Quotes from the talk:
How has vulnerability worked in your life?
“The less you talk about it, the more you have it.” (fear of vulnerability)
“The people who have a strong sense of belonging believe they are worthy.”
“We numb vulnerability…We are the most in-debt obese addicted and medicated adult cohort. You can’t selectively numb emotion.”
“You can’t selectively numb so when you numb you also numb joy, gratitude, happiness, and then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we look for beers and…”
“Our children are hardwired for struggle when they get here.”
When you hold those perfect little babies in your hand:
Our job is not to say:
“Look at her; she is perfect; my job is just to keep her perfect and make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh.”
Our job is to say:
” You are imperfect and you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
To love with our whole hearts even though there is no guarantee.
To practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror when we are wondering:
”Can I love you this much?”
”Can believe in this passionately?
”Can I be this fierce about this?”
To be able to stop and instead of catastrophizing what might happen to say:
”I’m just so grateful to feel this vulnerable because it means I’m alive. ”
When we start from a place of that says I believe I’m enough we stop screaming and we start listening. We are kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we are kinder and gentler to ourselves.
Recently in been struggling to cope with the idea that for the first time in my life, I met someone who understood me so well I didn’t feel alone. I’ve always felt alone no matter what. Like no one really understood me. I met someone who I felt understood me so well, and I had never felt more of a sense of belonging ever before. This led me to allow myself to be far more vulnerable than I ever have before. Unfortunately, due to things in my past and variables in the situation that were out of anyone’s control this feeling will not last forever. Staying grateful is essential and I will try my hardest to be grateful for my experiences even if they don’t last forever.
Regardles, questions persist:
Will I ever me able to engage in that form of vulnerability again without being reminded of how amazing my past experiences felt and comparing? Comparing is never a good idea but sometimes it feels hard not to do.
Did I even deserve to feel the comfort I felt in the first place? The way things have ended suggests maybe I didn’t deserve to feel such comfort in the first place and I took advantage of a situation. That none of it was authentic.
Obviously I’m struggling very hard right now to believe I deserve love.
The solution will have to be to move away from attempting to feel love and instead focus on feeling worth of being loved by society and that I have a place in it and that its okay to feel alone.
I think once I feel loved by society for more than just superficial purposes then maybe I’ll be okay.